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August 07, 2004
Greetings from the land of
Greetings from the land of Hawai’i and the island of Oahu, where ideal weather conditions actually means several inches of rain, and the current surf condition report has been replaced by a Flash Flood warnings, rock slide announcements and road closings - all thanks to a Pacific tropical depression that has played with the delicate balance of humidity, wind, and of course, precipitation. Living in Georgia for 3 years I saw humidity of 99% many times, in only four days in Hawai’i I saw a humidity of 100%. It seems like something really bad should happen then, like the air should actually be water or something.
But enough of that and back to the fateful departure, a flight that took us on a non-stop flight from Lincoln to Oahu. You’d think this is the reason that the airlines are losing money – flights from Lincoln to Oahu non-stop must surely be profitable, right? Actually though the airlines have nothing to do with the equation as we rode on a KC-135. The government is still flying non-stops from Nebraska to Oahu, maybe this helps explain the deficit, or maybe it’s just that whole conflict in the desert.
Riding a military jet isn’t exactly like being first-class. There are some notable benefits though. Besides the fact that the cockpit is open and you can go chill out with the pilots and check out the front of the airplane, there is also a bubble in the back that lets you see everything going on down below. The drawbacks include a bathroom that contains two tall silos for the men, a small honey pot for the women, and there’s none of this new fangled “running-water” thing.
The other interesting part of flight is that your baggage is actually in the same compartment you are, sitting safely in giant sealed boxes right in front of your seats. This makes for sort of a bar atmosphere, with people drinking, playing cards, hanging out and sleeping on top of the boxes as it is the warmest spot on the plane. The military isn’t super-concerned with comfort on its jets, as evidenced by the fact that you can stick your hand through the obligatory 1/3 inch of padding and feel the actual hull of the airplane which by the time you’ve been at 37,000 ft for 5 hours is pretty god damn cold. But if you brought warm pop with you, you’re in luck, as it’s like having a really fast freezer.
To get up to the airport in time our day started around 1 in the morning Hawai’i time. Considering that I had been up till roughly 10 pm the night before Hawai’i time, I wasn’t too rested. The conditions on the aircraft made sleeping the least of my worries as well, although I managed to put away a few hours of the trip while rolling on the uncomfortable bars, freezing and eventually just giving up.
Never fear though, a laptop always fixes the worries. I was well-prepared for the flight out with downloads of a recent episode of Atlantis that I had missed as well as the DVD-rip of Return of the Jedi needing my close scrutiny for Master George has played with his beloved babies again. My moral dilemma comes two strong: ROTJ now has not only the Ewoks, but the Gunguns too “Wesa Free!”, as well as the insertion of an actor into a film 21 years after its release, at which point the actor was a toddler. But, finally having Star Wars on DVD should trump these changes. Available everywhere September 21st.
Now that I’m done collecting a check from Lucasfilm, we landed in Oahu at the air field near Pearl Harbor. After the slowest baggage guys brought the 40-50 bags around to the tiny terminal at the air base, we then had to wait while the slowest car rental people took forever to get everything straightened out. I’m generally not the grumpy sort, but 25 minutes to get a car?
With that, we were off and enjoying the beautiful traffic. I suppose I had seen pictures of Waikiki and Honolulu before, but I think I was still holding out hope in my heart that it’d look like Maui when we got there. Not so much. Instead, half a million tourists, a couple hundred thousand locals, two monkeys and a guy named Cleopatra all fight for space on the streets. The only entertaining thing to do in traffic is to play State License Plate Bingo, which quickly results in Hawaii being called, and then some long deep silence.
As he would say in that wonderfully amazing Australian accent that just drives the ladies wild, “the mobile” came in handy for getting in touch with Ray – the bastard of a best friend who moved to Oahu earlier this summer. Ray’s living the highlife, using his Australian accent at Outback Steakhouse to win over those precious tips, that and occasionally dropping a fork in front of tablets of visiting elderly Japanese tourists. After my call, Ray was on his way to the hotel to meet us.
The Hale Koa is a hotel on the DeRussy Military Reservation. What’s impressive about the U.S. Government is that it has taken a large amount of the nice beach real estate without really asking anyone’s permission. The beaches at the military complex were a couple of the nicest we’ve seen. We almost felt bad about staying in Waikiki until we heard mosquitoes and other bugs were rampant at the cabins on one military beach. Talk about a biting punishment.
Ray arrived at the hotel as we were unloading, and faster than you can say wallaby we were up in our two adjoining rooms, ocean view. Small beds were a slight inconvenience, only having to bash Josh off from humping my leg in the middle of the night. Ray had to go play drums for a singles convention at his church, which seemed like a good prospect for the lad. He was off, and the decision was made to wander around Waikiki and grab dinner.
Flea markets are fascinating in that bargaining can be somewhat of a lost art in the United States. What’s fun is getting 10 trays that are marked at 60 bucks apiece for 10 each. Best advice: start way low, see how far they come down, and then walk away at least once. Generally they’ll stop you. Still, the fact that they sell product at 15% of its marked price makes you wonder about the folks that pay full price, or if you could get the price even lower. What scares me is that some people probably actually just pay the list price.
After that, a Japanese Steak House was in order. Sushi, steak, chicken, miso, tea, and all sorts of other pleasantries were dinner. A good time, but nothing too spectacular – I actually had a hard time remembering what we did the first night for dinner. It was good, but not particularly memorable. Given that everyone had been up for around 17 hours, we crashed a bit early.
The next day actually resulted in some interesting times. We attempted to hit up Pearl Harbor and the USS Arizona Memorial at about 7:45, unfortunately, the line was two hours, and we were advised to come back the next morning at 6:30.
We drove around the eastern shore of the island for a while, snapping some pictures and just enjoying the scenery. Driving generally means chilling out to music and taking pictures, and there was plenty of that. After seeing the blow hole, a lava tub that spits out water (not too interesting, but it takes 3 minutes to see), the fellowship of the Hawaii visit headed into the botanical garden in Koko’s Crater.
The legend around this place is that as the island was being given birth to, the goddess’s genitalia left its imprint as Koko’s Crater. The fact that there is clearly an inner and outer crater seems to certainly agree with this account. It was a fun hike though, with some cool sites like a giant cactus monster that ate my sister. Well, it LOOKED like a cactus monster, and I guess it only ate her because I shoved her into it to save myself. Hmm, thinking about it now, it seems to explain the angry looks I got the rest of the day.
Next on the agenda was Hanauma Bay which features over-crowded snorkeling, but more interestingly each shelf of the crater features a different attraction. One, the toilet bowl is a lava tube filled pool that fills up and flushed out quickly. It’s supposed to be quite the ride, but difficult to get out of it as it is deep and slippery. One the other side of the bay is the Witches Brew – not quite the same as Kool-Aid and Vodka, but interestingly close. This is a nasty section of water that is turning and tossing and has all sorts of weird currents.
Upon arriving (but before paying for admission to the bay itself), we find out that both shelves were closed and that the toilet bowl has been closed indefinitely. The thrills and possibility of danger removed, the clan quietly retreated from the bay. We ended up back at the hotel beach enjoying the water, but not braving being flushed in a lava fashioned toilet, and after all the time I had spent on practicing my floating.
REALLY STUPID MISTAKE NUMBER 1: We got down to the beach, and I was expecting a phone call from Ray around 3 o’clock. My cellphone just happened to be in my swimsuit pocket. As I was reach to pull it out, some sunblock got handed to me and the rest is history. Needless to say, the nasty electrical burn mark required a trip to the hospital… no not really. But the phone as absolutely fux0r3d (pardon my 1337-speak).
After using Josh’s roaming cell phone to tell Ray to call the hotel instead of my phone. Ray returned from the singles conference, realizing that the singles that go to Christian singles conferences tend to be in their 30s. A plan was hatched while Dad and I ventured to the AT&T store in order to get things rolling again.
Telling the representative what happened, it turns out that cellphones going for a swim is common among tourists in Hawai’i. I fail hardcore. She then offered me a vacuum sealed case for my phone so it could come with me in the ocean. I think she might’ve thought I didn’t realize electronics + water = God will reign fire and hell upon the earth. It was similar to the time that I broke the antenna assembly off of my other cell phone (while on business in L.A.) and the first thing out of the AT&T guy’s mouth was: “We have many cell phones without antennas. I’m sure they love making little jabs at customers like that, we’re under contract, and don’t want our plan messed up so it’s not like I can say anything to her. Anyways, 52 bucks and a new contract later I had a new Nokia phone, 200 more anytime minutes, nights that start at 7, and most importantly a new phone. Only minor issue is that now when you call me you might get a message that my number is out of service – need to get that fixed.
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Posted by badwillhunting at August 7, 2004 04:32 PM