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October 06, 2007
Optimist, Realist, or Pessimist?
I love the phrase, "I'm not a pessimist, I'm a realist." You hear it all the time, and it ties in with "Hope for the best, expect the worst." It's sort of this interesting situation where people really don't want to be let down, so they don't allow themselves to hope and expect the best for their life.
I'm guilty of the realist phrase, I said it a lot for a long period of time. Somewhere in the past few years though, I realized that it wasn't really being true to myself.
In reality, to me, minimizing the hope I have for something by being realistic about it is a way of avoiding the pain if it doesn't happen, or if nothing else, lessening it. In several ways, I'm not being true to myself, I'm not allowing myself to understand how much I want something to happen, or understand why I'm so disappointed when it doesn't. I essentially numb myself to strong feelings that I can learn a lot from.
It's been hard, but it's something I've managed to pull myself away from being a "realist." I let myself hope, I really grab onto those dreams and try to understand what it is about them that appeals to me. Sometimes it works out, and I feel like I can fully enjoy the successes and things that work out. I've been crushed, hit with devastating disappointments - but I feel like I cope with them better, I get past them more quickly. Disappointments used to be buried, I'd harden myself against them, experiencing even some suppressed anger or frustration.
It could be I'm wacko and relying on feelings - which I'm sure some of my friends would think is illogical. I understand why people are realists, I understand that it's the logical thing to do. I also know that it's not true to what I'm really feeling or thinking, and I'm doing my best to stick to that.
-Will
A vial of hope and a vial of pain
In the light they both look the same.
Posted by badwillhunting at October 6, 2007 03:16 PM